Week Twelve: Not Gonna Reach My Telephone

Fact: I have a cell phone.

Fact: I have skype.

Fact: I have a home phone (well, my fambly does.)

Fact: Talking on the telephone is a huge source of stress for me.



Firstly, I never know what to say. I know it's "just like talking in person", but I can't see your face. That's what you do when you talk to people in person, you see their faces.



Secondly, I'm dreadful at HANGING UP.

"So yeah."

"Yup."

"..."

"..."

"Okay then, did you have anything else you wanted to say?"

"No, Whimsy, I just called to talk."

"Oh. Right. Yes."

*silence*

Me, thinking: "Okay, where do we go from here?"

Me, talking: "Nice weather, huh?"




Then there's the terror known at the answering machine. O__O

"...Please leave a message after the beep."

"Hi, this is Whimsy calling. I was going to call for a reason, but I forgot so there's really no reason to call and talk to you, but it's been a while since we've talked so I thought we could talk but yeah.
So I guess you aren't there cuz if you WERE there you'd have picked up the phone, and if you want and it's not a bad time for you, call me back. No stress so if you're doing something important don't bother, I was just thinking...
Anyway. My phone number is 62442, in case you don't know that. Which you do. Cuz I called your cell phone and it saves my number and OH! Right! You had borrowed a book from me and if you're finished with it I'd like it back for I miss it and I want it to come home. Did I leave my number yet? I think I did. Anyway-"

*BEEEEEEP*

*blank stare at phone*

"Shit."


Or then there's that horrible fear that you have just called at the worst possible time, while everyone has the plague, there's a fire in the house, they're eating dinner with the grandparents, AND American Idol is on TV.

"Hi, this is Whimsy. Bad time?"

"...I called you."

"I knew that! I was testing you!"



And what do you do when you're ON THE PHONE? Do you sit there, just listening to the other person talk? Am I the only person who just can't sit still while talking on the phone? For serious, if I'm in my room, I will walk backandforthandbackandforth until I hang up. It's nervous energy.

On top of that, I talk with my hands a lot as well. I'm a very animated and visual person, so if you're talking to me on the phone, you're missing about half of what I'm saying. I gesticulate excessively. I can't help it.



And then there's the house phone when somebody calls. If it rings, and I'm the person who's the closet to it, I will do the hot-potato-toss-the-phone-to-anyone-else maneuver that I am so adept at.

God forbid I have to pick it up.

"Hi-this-is-Whimsy-how-are-you?"

"Hi Whimsy! I can tell your voice on the phone! I'm good, how are you?"

"I'm good, how are you?"

*Awkward lapse into silence as I realize what I've said.*

"Haha, I'm good!"

"That's...good."

Palm, meet face.



It's even worse for me if I don't KNOW the person. I can pick up the phone on Arc without TOO much stress now, but it took a long time to get to that point, and I still don't like it that much. If I have to talk to somebody who I don't know, and it's a kinda-important call, I will start having a panic attack.

Long story short?
Phones and Whimsy are NOT FRIENDS.

Am I the only one who feels like this? For some reason, Skype is different.

You want to IM me? We can do that all day long. ^___^




P.S. I tell people all the time that I don't like talking on the phone. Most of the time, they go "Aww, it's okay, I won't bite" and try to make me feel comfortable with talking to them.
It's not you. Really.
I like you. I don't like telephones.

P.P.S. All I can think about is that Lady Gaga Telephone song in my head. It will NOT leave.