Week Four: "Let a REAL MAN park the boat."

Brace yourself, my friends, for a tale of danger, hysterical laughter, melodrama and stupidity.

Last year, in the spring, it rained like WOAH. Now, I know that's not the most succinct sentence to begin on, but it's pretty crucial for the rest of the story.

Near my house, there's a brook. It's about waist deep at it's best, and about mayyyybe ten feet wide? Anyway, all that really matters is that it's SMALL, and pretty non-threatening. And then...it RAINED. It rained SO MUCH that my sister and I decided to take the canoe out, and paddle through the backyard and the woods.

At this point, the brook has gone from small-and-non-threatening to LARGE CURRENT OF WATER FLOWING REALLY FAST IN THE MIDDLE OF A FREAKING LAKE IN THE WOODS.

And so, we paddle. Nessa turns to me and suggests that we paddle across the DANGEROUS CURRENT*.

My reaction: O_____O

Her reaction: -___- "Live a little."

My reaction: *trepidation*

And so we struck out across the waters. Our intent was to reach the other side, turn around, and return to safe land, but about halfway across, the fast-moving stream caught up the back end of the boat, and we started to spin and drift downriver, away from the house and we kept going faster.

I think right now is a good time to mention that at the end of this stream, there's a waterfall. A big, huge, 8 foot PLUS waterfall.

Commence the panic.

I grab onto a small bit of tree in the middle of the overflowing river and clutch it, all the while babbling,
"Whimsy McWhimsysen**, age seventeen, was found dead in the brook this week. She is survived by her mothers, and her father. We remember her as a lover of theater, and a compassionate soul. In lieu of flowers, donations can be sent to The Harry Potter Alliance."

Yes, that's right, folks. I was writing my obituary. In the middle of a river. In a canoe. This brilliance was eclipsed by me, proclaiming that "I don't want to be the next spaghetti dinner".

There is SOME logic behind this. You see, if you live in a teeny tiny town like mine, when somebody dies, say, the fire dept will throw a spaghetti (or barbeque, or whatever) dinner as a fundraiser. That's what I WAS going for, but HELL NAW. Madness instead. WOO!

So after much deliberation, we decide to just go with the flow*** and try to go down the river, and veer off into the flooded woods. Thank heavens, we managed it. So, we float into the next-door neighbor's yard, and by extention his pond. It's pretty calm in there, so we head for an island that's been created from the swollen waters.

The island has a neat little dent in it, perfect to park the boat in. Nessa steers i, and JUST misses the wee cove (really, there's nothing at all wrong with how the boat is, keep this in mind). She gets out of the boat and onto the land. I grab the paddle and shove off from the land, effectivly abandoning her with the parting shot "Geez, WOMEN. Let a REAL MAN park the boat."****


...I know. What can I say?


So unbeknownst to me, the current was stronger than I had expected. The back of the boat starts twisting away, and I'm about ready to go back into my Twisting Spiral Of Doom And Panic About Spaghetti Dinners (TM) again. Luckily for the boat, me and my sanity, Nessa grabbed the boat and dragged it back up on the bank, saving my panicky self.

The rest of the day went without incident, but the events that I've mentioned are more than sufficient to provide the adventure aspect.


And THUS ends my story of melodrama.

All aspects of this story are %110 genuine. Really. Even my speech about my obituary.


OH! ALSO, I have created a new "about me" page. Go and check it out HERE and then if you have any questions that I DIDN'T answer, post 'em in a comment.

That's about all for this time, happy BOW'11ing! You guys are doing really well with the blogging every week thing. Kudos there!

Off to go work on an exciting new venture (which you'll unDOUBTEDLY hear about soon, so hold on, y'all),

~Whimsy

P.S. If you haven't seen it already, BOW'11 has a page of it's own. You can check it out HERE, and tell me what you think!


*Nessa is RIGHT NOW, in fact holding with her opinion that it was not, in fact dangerous. I'm running this by her, so I don't misquote her.

**Clearly, this was not the name I used, but let it be known, the rest of this is totally accurate.

***Dear god, I am WAY to happy about that bad pun.

****You all know I am very much not mysogynistic, BUT I do poke fun at those who are.